“Good and Evil both increase at Compound Interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance” – C.S. Lewis

I have been thinking lately about how to better prioritize and manage the challenges and difficulties that life so graciously gives you and I. I wanted to talk about that because it is so closely connected to our happiness and joy. If you disagree with any of this, that’s totally okay…. I am no scientist or life coach, I only claim to be a decent observer and a deep(ish) thinker. This is a lot more about me sharing things that have been growing in importance in my life. Lessons I am learning and things that help me. As I said at the start of my blog “I want people to know that beliefs and ideas and thoughts have worth. I want to share what being human looks like for me”. That means that a lot of what I share is meant to prompt thoughts about what being human looks like for you and how we can all build on the things that we learn together. For this specific post I hope you can take anything that rings true to you and build your own model or thoughts on the subject I am trying to share. I don’t always paint the clearest picture of what I see or think, but on occasion in writing, that blurred picture allows for deeper reflection and more active thinking.

As I have watched people and done my best to pay attention to patterns of thought and the common responses to problems it has been evident that we almost all have a general sense of when something needs to change. Whether we have a belief system that needs to be adjusted, we have made a mistake, or we are failing to achieve our goals… we know when there are changes that need to be made to produce different results. If we recognize when we are feeling off, then the problems and challenges we face will be less daunting and less consequential. If we don’t then our challenges will overwhelm us with all sorts of meaningful and meaningless thoughts and information. I think in many circumstances we should categorize our thoughts by degree of importance so that we can make decisions based on properly weighted and pertinent information.

It has been so interesting to see how people think through difficult situations! As I think about my own life it is easy to wonder and worry about all sorts of things. Every day of our lives we are faced with a range of emotions and a variety of decisions. There are so many paths we can choose to take. With this freedom and ability to choose, comes so much indecision. I have personally succumbed to this sort of indecision and each time it makes me more and more conscious of my own patterns of thought. That has helped to shape the organizational model below. It is based on the simple belief that every thought and decision carries its own degree of importance. The degree of importance is determined by one of a few things, the thought or variables proximity to the central decision, its potential to influence outcomes, and our ability to control it. The key is that the things that are most closely related to the core of our issue or problem are also those that have the greatest potential to influence outcomes because we have the highest amount of control over them. In the model below you can see a center target or core. This area is where the central variables of any decision are located. This area holds those things that have the highest degree of importance. Then there is a middle area filled with those things that have a little influence or degree of importance. These things can affect outcomes but not dictate them. Then there is the outermost area (outer darkness), none of this material should hold any weight at all because it can only influence decisions negatively by clouding our judgement and stressing us out.

It is so important to address issues from the core because it is the clearest way of achieving the most desirable outcome. If you start at the core then the effects of those first and most important decisions will resolve many of the external concerns. It can be very frustrating to spend time on minor concerns when addressing one core issue would have resolved them all. The core area holds the highest degree of importance because it can positively impact and dictate our decisions. I use the words positive and dictate because these issues are central enough to determine our path and to move positively towards it. Using the core to understand thoughts and making decisions allows us to focus on outcomes. We measure and review our own thoughts more accurately when we think about where they will take us. Then instead of choosing the things that make us the most comfortable we choose those thoughts and make those decisions that bring us the most long term joy. Long term joy that comes in the form of happy, healthy, and loving relationships. All of our long term joy comes from our family relationships. Controlling the core gives our families better opportunities to learn, grow, and love.

The middle area or the grey area is the most difficult to navigate. There are undoubtedly things that fall into this area that are important but they can only influence where we go. They don’t have a high enough degree of importance to really warrant making decisions based on them. This is where I think that we spend a lot of our time. When we are confronted with decisions, thoughts, or feelings, we don’t often settle right on the core of the issue. That means unless we actively sift through information we will find ourselves in the grey area and it will be difficult to make clear decisions. This can make or break our ability to direct ourselves in our thoughts and actions towards who and where we want to be. One of the main ways we waste time is by making decisions in this area, this is where we are most often comfortable. It’s sort of the holding area for our thoughts. The decisions that we make in this area are the ones that we have to come back to. Like when we decide to address our thoughts about our own problems in a specific way but then we later face the same exact problem. We define this area better for ourselves by recognizing when we are in similar situations, when we feel the same things, and when we react the same ways. This area is only distinguishable through recognition of our own behavior. It is important because it helps us to determine what things we over-value and what things we under-value. It also forces us to choose to either reach deeper into the core of decisions or feelings or we will repeatedly face the same situations. Think about something that annoys you, then think about how you have reacted to that annoyance, is it a pattern of behavior of yours? It is likely because you always address the situation enough to avoid it but never enough to resolve it. Have you ever made a decision to do something and then faced an unexpected consequence? How often does that happen to you? A large majority of those decisions are based on information that falls in the middle area. If you feel like you are not making legitimate progress in your life, or you are always facing the same problems. Take a second, be honest with yourself, find out new ways to solve old problems. Force yourself into the core of decisions and thoughts, and really be deliberate about understanding your free agency. We are really able to make decisions that take us where we want to be.

The last area is the outermost area. This is a dangerous area. If we heed the thoughts and information that comes from this area there will be significantly negative outcomes. Let’s share a theoretical example real quick. If you are being criticized by someone and your immediate thoughts are about the faults of the person critiquing you…. And then you take the chance to share some of your own critiques… I am sure you can imagine that this conversation would just get worse and worse. It was filled with a lot of thoughts that are in this outer area…. They don’t really serve a purpose. What was the end goal of critiquing the person back? Getting even? Leveling the playing field? It certainly didn’t have any positive outcome. That’s because thoughts and decisions in this area are not fully formed. If they were fully formed and thought through then they would be deemed, irrelevant, unimportant, or irrational. That being said, we so often react and make decisions based on this area. One way to know that you are in this area is to know that being tired, hungry, and/or overwhelmed does not help our ability to make decisions.

As I use this model or at least try to adhere to it, I have learned a lot. I have noticed my behavior, my reaction to challenges, and my happiness change drastically when I meticulously seek to understand what I am thinking and where I am wrong. This model helps when making decisions and when understanding feelings. I can more easily get where I want to by using this. I have seen how my ability to take criticism has improved because I categorize my feelings appropriately. In the short term, I am able to address important information and organize my feelings to react in positive ways. In the long term, I am able to make decisions that will take me to where I want to be with much less stress and distraction. 

With all of this said, It isn’t always this cut and dry. For me, this process and thinking about things in this way has helped me. It develops and adapts as I learn more about myself. While this whole process is meant to help properly weigh information and feelings, it’s really about understanding yourself. We need to be deliberate in understanding who we are and how we act. The greatest part about free agency and free will is that we can more clearly analyze ourselves. We determine our own priorities and the core values of our own lives. I am sharing this so that we can find ways to be more conscious decision makers, more deliberate thinkers, and more active pursuers of joy.

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.” – Ezra Taft Benson